i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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