Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
actually, I'm a sock model
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it wasn't lemon gatorade
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
