They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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