Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
