I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
FUCK WHALES
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
