Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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