She is in my trunk
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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