He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
