I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
