i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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