hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
