from now on my penis is your penis
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
