based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
