Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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