Yo dont text me then not text me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
