I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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