Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have feelings that need drinking.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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