You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
