I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
