2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
