i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
