I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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