omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
