I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
