I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
