she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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