Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
