Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
