And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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