If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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