glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
