The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
