there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
