I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
