Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
