We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
