are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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