BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
