I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Everclear isn't food dammit
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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