Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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