great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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