just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
