I didn't shave. On purpose
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You're like the curious george of whores
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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