i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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