im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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