I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
