well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
