It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
