So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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