He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
