can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
