I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
