i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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