so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
